对不起,我不配

Posted: July 18, 2013 in Uncategorized

Guess this will be the last and final post i got to pen down in this blog about my life. So fast a month is approaching and definitely it’s a long and rough road down. And it will be the last time i read her blog, i know it’s time to really let it go with a peace of mind. I believe everything happens for a reason and cause.

I need to apologize that for the past near 3 years i cant fulfilled my role as that perfect guy for you, never near to your expectation and definitely never near to what you are looking for in a guy.
I didn’t do my part well as a boyfriend, as compared to other boyfriends I’m always never near the standard you have, or rather the benchmarking.

But for the past 3 years of being together and the 6 years of going after the same girl, I have never get tired out of her. No matter how i see her, how long i get to see her, when i see her the end result will be feeling happily deep inside my heart. Perhaps being together with her was a bad decision as i feel that if we were never together and i could still love her like how i used to then i may still be the happy guy i am today. People always ask me why i can just love her so much and do so much for her, my answer is very simple: Love her more than you love yourself. And i carry this answer with me for that 6 years.

I can say proudly, a guy who can be the boyfriend of J will be the luckiest guy on earth. She is those super sweet, loving, pretty girlfriend a guy can be proud of having. If i were to list down the things that how good she is, a million words were never enough to describe everything. She is an angel to me and changed my life, she gave me the motivation to change myself to the better. She makes me see the rainbow after every rainfall, brace me through the thunderstorm in my life, every time when i seems so low she will always be there for me. Not forgetting the amount of things she bought for me from overseas, clothes, shirts, ties, and the countless of overseas post cards i receive from her.

Even though we are together, i always had the feeling that 1 day i had to know when to let her go, letting her to go find her true Mr Right as i believe that such a good girl was never meant for me. I broke her heart, make her unhappy, make her angry, never do things to make her feel appreciated. As compared to the guys who treats her now i guess they were thousands times far better then me, be it quality or quantity. It make me realize that letting her go to find her true Mr Right is a correct decision i have made and seeing from the updates i can really convince myself that I’m correct and it’s time for me to leave her life completely so she can open her door to the guy she really wants in her life.

Memories will always be kept inside my heart, good times bad times happy times sad times, she will always be the happy cheerful sweet girl that i known. Loved her for the past 6 years, love her til today and will still be loving her no matter what happens to us, i just hope i can be the puibabe that she knew last time and not forgot about that there were once this fat guy appears in her life that once changed her life and made her happy, make her cry, make her sad, make her his everything.

1 year of rest is what i need since i already knew inside my heart that i won’t be able to fall in love with any other girl anymore or rather i cannot bring myself to love another girl as much as i love her. I need a year for a changed in my life and i guess the door of my heart will totally be shut from anyone anymore..

This is a hard lesson learned: love doesn’t mean to be with the person you love, but to see the person living happily.

To the lovely Miss J,

I do not know you will be reading this or you have already forgotten about me. But i just hope to use this little space of mine to express my gratitude and thank you for the wonderful memories we shared for the past 33 months. I know that’s  much i can do for you, i know that the next guy who hold your hand will be the guy you will love deeply. I’m just simply not the guy you want in your life and not a guy you can depend on in your next phase of life. You are really a too perfect girl for me, you have done your part as a very good girlfriend and wtb. The next phase of your life journey will be a colorful journey without my existent.  I wish you well in your career, in your relationship and  always the cheerful sweet little adorable girl. Please forgive me of any of my wrongdoings, selfishness, foolishness or stupid mistakes that i always done to make you angry and cry. The guy who always do all these stupid things will disappear in your life for good now. Hope as time pass by, the anger you have to me will subside and wave to me when you sees me again in the future. I love you, loved you, and will still love you loving you.

And lastly let me dedicate this 1 last song for you..

Yours Sincerely,

Stranger P

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